


a trio of planes

by asdf_writings



Series: there is something to be gained in loss [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Child Xiao De Jun | Xiao Jun, Communication, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Kid Fic, Light Angst, M/M, Morning Routines, past KunTen, reference to dead character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-15 02:20:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28805727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asdf_writings/pseuds/asdf_writings
Summary: Dejun hugs his arms around Johnny's legs, partly to regain his balance and shake the dizzy away. But mostly so that he can rest his chin atop Johnny's sweatpants and look up at him toothily. “Goo’ mornin’!”Johnny’s heart had been melting since their exchange began, and by now he thinks it’s basically all gone, melted into a puddle on the floor right in front of his…his Dejun.aka a morning with johnten & xj
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Suh Youngho | Johnny & Xiao De Jun | Xiao Jun, past kunten - Relationship
Series: there is something to be gained in loss [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2103327
Comments: 2
Kudos: 72





	a trio of planes

**Author's Note:**

> (will probably go over this and proofread later hehe sorry for any spelling errors/egregious plot holes :))
> 
> wrote this before the semester started and now posting before ao3 deletes the draft :)

There are little airplanes painted on one of Dejun’s walls. According to the stories, Kun drew them out lightly in pencil, ensuring their accuracy and unabashedly explaining what each part was called and what it did. Ten was the one to pick out the colors and painted them himself, Kun monitoring from the rocking chair near the window they opened for ventilation, humming random songs and catching up on parenting book reading.

The thought of it made Johnny’s heart ache a bit. Over the years the reason for that ache changed. A bit of envy, a lot of pity, an overall air of discomfort. Johnny would not have what he did now had it not been for Kun’s untimely passing. It was weird to feel almost thankful for someone’s— especially someone as great as Kun’s— death.

But unlike most of their other friends, Johnny had never actually met Kun. Johnny moved back to America for high school and didn’t return to stay until after college. Everything he knew about Kun came from the words of everyone around him, enough that even Johnny himself fell a little bit in love with the guy. He couldn’t help the guilt that crept into the crevices of his mind at night whenever he’d remember that he gets to hold Dejun where Kun…can’t.

So yeah, a weird feeling. He talked to Ten, their friends, and even a therapist that one time. Ten still thinks he should go speak with one regularly, but honestly he’s fine. Seriously! He’s pretty secure in himself and has more than enough words of affirmation from Ten and their friends. He’s never going to replace Kun, and that’s not his intention by any means! He hopes it comes across that way…

But the planes. They’re really adorable, and there’s three of them. Two bigger ones with a smaller one in between, and it’s obvious what they were meant to symbolize. Or rather, _who_ they represent.

Johnny stares at them a lot when he’s Dejun’s room. He got a really good look at them when he spent almost an entire day dismantling Dejun’s old crib and setting up his newer Ikea big boy bed. And he’s currently observing them again right now, shifting his weight between his feet, _thinking_.

His old partners told him he thought a bit too much, and his mother always told him he didn’t think nearly enough. All of them said they loved him at one point or another, and he wants to believe that they truly did. But they weren’t really in his life too much anymore, so maybe that says enough about how he’s loved.

Johnny’s shaken from his thoughts when he notices Dejun squirm in his sleep. It brings a smile to his face. You could tuck him in as snug as a bug and then find him in the morning with his blankets half off the bed and his limbs askew. He kind of looks like that right now, and Johnny wants to take a picture of the cuteness right now before he remembers that he was sent on a mission.

Operation Wake Up Dejun, commence.

Johnny kneels by his bedside and peels what’s left of his blankets back. Dejun immediately reacts to the cold and turns from his side to lay on his back. His eyes pinch but they don’t open, letting Johnny know that the little guy is definitely awake but stubbornly doesn’t want to be. Johnny rubs a hand on his tummy, circular motions like Ten showed him so long ago. Dejun smiles before slowly opening his eyes. When he sees it’s Johnny he giggles and scrambles to pull the blankets up and over his face. But Johnny’s faster, intercepting his hands and pretending to eat them up.

“Perfect little snacks!” he exclaims, just loud enough for Dejun to hear over his shrieks. “I’m a little hungry since I haven’t had my breakfast yet!”

“Nooooo!” Dejun playfully kicks his legs against his mattress. “Eat pancakes not _hands_!”

Johnny kisses them instead, and gives the kid a few more belly rubs for good measure before retracting his own hands, opting to rest his elbows against the edge of the bed.

“Ready to wake up and eat your own breakfast then?”

Dejun hums, huffing out a sigh like he’s going through a mid-life crisis. “...waiting…”

“How could I forget!” Johnny slaps his forehead, playing up the dramatics even more than usual. “Hello, angel-face-superstar!”

He raises both fists and Dejun’s own meet them in the cutest of bumps. Johnny’s hands immediately open, and Dejun proceeds in their tradition by slapping down on his palms before he’s lifted by the armpits into the air. He giggles as Johnny raises him just high enough to give a high-five to the glow-in-the-dark star stickers they plastered onto his ceiling together awhile back. Johnny lowers him onto his shoulder and spins a few times for good measure before kissing his head and letting him back on the ground.

Dejun hugs his arms around Johnny's legs, partly to regain his balance and shake the dizzy away. But mostly so that he can rest his chin atop Johnny's sweatpants and look up at him toothily. “Goo’ mornin’!”

Johnny’s heart had been melting since their exchange began, and by now he thinks it’s basically all gone, melted into a puddle on the floor right in front of his…

his Dejun.

It’s another weird feeling he feels sometimes. A lot of the time, actually. Ten is his boyfriend, his partner hopefully for the rest of his life. And Dejun is Ten’s son, but he’s not really Johnny’s. He’s not his stepson, and he himself is not Dejun’s dad. They got him to stop saying “Uncle Johnny” just a few months ago. But what else could he call him besides just Johnny? The options were limited, basically nonexistent.

And Ten assured him it was fine. Dejun didn’t need titles to know that Johnny was important in his life and was here to stay. And sometimes that felt like enough for Johnny. Sometimes.

“Good morning, sweet cheeks. Wanna make your bed and brush your teeth and eat your first meal of the day?”

Dejun nods, pressed up against Johnny's legs, with his thumb migrating towards his mouth. Johnny gently pulls it away and pats his bum to get started on the daily routine. He helps him fold the blankets and sort out the plushes that had fallen over during his sleep. He makes sure his pull-up was dry— which he _was,_ go kiddo! He watches him brush his teeth and took over towards the end to help get the teeth at the back. He sits him on the counter and nearly folds himself in half to let him use a kid comb to style his hair for the day. Honestly Dejun wasn’t half bad at that, even though he refuses to let anyone but Ten touch his own head.

And so Johnny sets him down with the comb still in hand and watched him take off to get to the kitchen to see Ten. Johnny follows him almost immediately, but not before getting one last glance at the three planes on the wall. He finds himself nodding lightly, a smile gracing his lips before bowing out and leaving the room.

By the time he catches up to Dejun, he's already on his tip-toes and stretching up to meet his father's embrace.

"Good morning, baby," Ten smiles, inhaling the Dejun's signature baby shampoo smell.

"Mornin' papa! Johnny here!" Dejun points out. Johnny usually stayed the night and helped in the morning at least once a week, usually during the weekend, and so Dejun had gotten accustomed to just waking up to face-full of Johnny.

Ten chuckles, briefly turning his attention back to the simple meal on the stove. More often than not the family ate some variation of eggs for breakfast, and today was no exception.

"Yeah, he is. Did he wake you up and get you ready?"

"Uh-huh! We flyed!"

"Oh, you _flew?"_ Ten gently corrects as he peers at Johnny who was beginning to pour drinks at the dining table. He was blushing a bit, like he always did when Dejun talked about him.

"Yeah! Johnny fun."

"I agree,"

"And tall! And..."

Johnny watches the rest of their exchange from the other side of the room, leaning against one of the dining chairs, warmth pooling in his chest. He watches as Ten held one hand on the handle of the pan, keeping an eye on their frying eggs, with his other running through Dejun's hair. Their conversation washes over him, lilting voices responding to each other cutely.

Eventually, everything was prepared and the table was set. Dejun had outgrown his high-chair but didn't quite reach the table from the dining chairs Ten had, so he sat on Ten's lap as he sloppily fed himself eggs. Ten focuses on his coffee first before eating, knowing that there was no way he would be able to keep Dejun clean _and_ feed himself at the same time.

Johnny watches again, sat across from them, occasionally reminding Dejun how to best hold his kiddy fork to eat his breakfast. He was thankful that the little guy listened to him so well. He was sure that would wear off in a few years when he started going to school and meeting new people, but for now, he reveled in it. Made him feel a little special. Like he had a place in the family, as someone for Dejun to listen and...look up to.

"Spacing out there, John. Eggs are on the table." Ten jokes, peering over the lip of his mug. Johnny knew he was trying to hide a smirk as he took a sip.

"Johnny eat!" Dejun steals their attention, demonstrating how to bring eggs stabbed with a fork to one's mouth. Johnny laughs in response and leans over to wipe some stray egg from Dejun's chin. Ten takes the opportunity to swipe a few bites of his own, heart warming at the interaction nonetheless.

"Thanks for the demo, Dejun. I should pay attention to my food, shouldn't I?"

Dejun nods happily, munching along while his feet swung under the table. The rest of breakfast was a relatively quiet affair, the only mishap being a little juice spillage and a quick lesson on cleaning up table puddles. Soon enough, Dejun was finished and released into the living room to pick an old Disney film to watch. It was a Saturday, which meant that Dejun got more TV time than usual. It worked out since it meant that Ten, and usually Johnny, could get some extra work or chores done. And Ten was insistent that Dejun should be multilingual, so more often than not he played the movie in a different language.

They heard the telltale sound of Dejun rummaging through DVDs (yeah, Ten's apartment was stocked with Disney DVDs, courtesy of Jaehyun who gifted them after realizing the collection was collecting dust in his childhood home). The noise meant that they had approximately three minutes to have this conversation.

"What's up with you?" Ten migrates to Johnny's lap, who had just finished piling up their dirty dishes.

"What makes you think there's something to be up?"

"Well, it takes a little something to get you distracted from breakfast," Ten scoffs, his arms now loosely hanging around Johnny's neck. A laugh leaves Johnny's throat, but it's a little amused at best. Nothing like the John Suh laugh that usually bounces off the walls of this apartment.

"And I guess I also just... _know_ you by now. Feel it in my gut that something's in the pit of yours. And not just the eggs I just painstakingly made for you, don't tease."

That drew out a real Johnny laugh, and Ten's planets realigned at hearing it.

"You do know me..." Johnny sighs, trying to find his words. "I just...I saw the planes."

"Hm. Let's add some details in there, John." Ten teases, earning a light nip at his cheek.

"The, uh, painted planes. On Dejun's wall."

"Oh." Ten's posture changes; he sits up a little straighter. It made Johnny want to backtrack so bad, as he saw the understanding start to sink into Ten's expression. But he knew that Ten was adamant about having and finishing these conversations. Even if they were difficult.

"And I see them like almost every time I'm here, I've glanced over them so many times. And I know...I know why they're there--"

"You know who drew them."

"Yeah. I know Kun put a lot of work into them."

"He did," Ten smiles, his eyes focused on the corner of the kitchen table. "More time than I would have thought, I had to wait almost a full day to actually start painting, but...yeah."

"And they're beautiful. A trio of planes. I guess I just...most days I guess it's not at the forefront of my mind, but sometimes, like today, I remember that I'm not a part of that trio."

"Johnny, you are--"

"I know we've got our own thing going on. We've figured it out mostly, and I love what we've come up with. I love being with you, I love being with Dejun. And...the planes just reminded me that my love is...a little different from his. From Kun's."

It's almost like Dejun can sense the importance of his conversation. He's spending a lot more time this Saturday choosing what to have them put on for him. And Ten spends some time trying to find his own words.

"You know, the planes are not supposed to represent anyone. Kun would've drawn more, but he knew I was getting impatient so he just stopped at the three."

Johnny nods slowly, trying to figure out where this was headed.

"I think a lot about how it must feel to walk into all of this. Me and Dejun and our planes. But you're in that room too. You're all over this apartment, you're all up in our lives now. And yeah, your love's not the same. But neither is mine, and Dejun's love language changes like every day."

Johnny's head inches closer and closer to Ten's shoulder until his cheek finds its perch upon it.

"You are not Kun, but you're not replacing him either. You are not a plane, Johnny Suh."

Before Johnny can produce any tears, they hear a little voice.

"Yeah, Johnny a tall man, not a _plane_!" Dejun skid into the kitchen with _Mulan_ gripped between his hands.

"That one again, _Xiaojun?"_ Ten rose to his feet after giving a quick peck to the crown of Johnny's head.

"Yeah! I like dragon!"

"And you look a little like him, too," Ten teases, winking at Johnny before taking Dejun's hand and leading him back to the living room.

Johnny takes a few moments, rubbing his hands up and down his sweatpant-clad legs to get some kind of grip. He knows that processing all of this is no simple or short-term project. And it's not going to be easy. But Ten...he makes it so much easier.

He stands and finds it in him to bring the pile of dishes to the sink. He soaks them but doesn't actually wash them, because there's soemthing more imortnat than that right now.

He finds that something, right before his eyes on the living room couch. The animated Great Wall is onscreen, Dejun intensely watching the intro scene of _Mulan_ play out. Ten's got him in his lap, his own chin resting on Dejun's beautiful head of hair. Dejun's eyes stay on the TV screen, but Ten's gaze finds his.

His smile is a warm invitation, and Johnny would be a fool not to take him up on it.

**Author's Note:**

> special mention to jaehyun hbd valentine boy
> 
> also having a trouble with accidentally typing double i's and double h's?? not sure if it's my keyboard or my fingers eek


End file.
